Soph
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Its a Mental Block
So, today I was discussing my issues with eating with a friend (over lunch, appropriately). i was explaining to her how I am always thinking about food. All. The. Time. And I'm not necessarily thinking about, say, how delicious it is. Its what should i eat now, calorie-wise, what should I eat for lunch. Blah Blah Blah. Incessant "food noise". I have serious trouble with this and at the end of the day, this type of thinking makes me sabotage myself. Another thing I've noticed? The one time I really don't feel guilty, or even think about what I;m doing, is during my Sunday dinners with my family. That dinner, with all its indulgences, quiets my food noise and guilt. So, as I was trying to explain to Chanel, The reason that I guess I'm doing the blog is to overcome the mental obstacle that I face every time I eat, think of eating etc. I really wish I could eat McDonalds one day, and not be upset and depressed about it for like two days afterwords. Physically, I'm sure i could stand to lose a few pounds (I weigh between 137-140, and am 5'6). However, I know that my body is comfortable at this weight and i know that I'm healthy. So, I don't want to change my physical appearance as much as I want to change my relationship with food, eating and exercising. That relationship really torments me and dominates my life, like a bad boyfriend I just can't let go of. I don't know if I need therapy or what, but I'm really ready to just enjoy the endorphins that come with exercise (instead of thinking how much food I canceled) and just enjoy the experience of eating and be grateful that I CAN eat. I find that these feeling about food are so self-indulgent when there are tons of people in the world who can't even get their hands on food, while I just take it for granted, resent it etc. Anyways, I know that was le dramatic, but...I thought I'd share I guess. Because I find that its really getting to a point where I just want to have lunch and not think about it SOOOO much. There are more important things in life than how many calories were in the pint of Stella I drank last night, ya dig?
Soph
Also: my healthy, delicious, and guilt free dinner of : Mahi Mahi with 2 zucchini, brussels sprouts, and broccoli. yum.
Soph
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Nicely done, and congrats on being brave where I am a coward, haha.
ReplyDeleteAlso, blogspot can suck my dick. Have to sign in to Google to leave a comment and then have to verify that I'm human. Lame.
ReplyDeleteNot embarrassing, just honest :) I think lots of people can relate to this. I'm liking this blog soph xoxo
ReplyDeleteyour awesome and will overcome all mental obstacles!
ReplyDeletekeep up the blogging!
Sophie! Sounds like you're living some tough moments. Dragging that guilt around is a challenge. Enjoy your indulgences fully - plan and anticipate them, as you would a holiday. Schedule them regularly. And then, embrace your ability to be disciplined on the days where you eat maxo-healthy. Also know that your mind will eventually move on to other major pre-occupations -- you just don't know when.
ReplyDeleteOne final thing....the month of February is brutal for most University students. I've seen it with my own eyes the last ten years. The long winter, and the never-ending demands of course work add up to significant downward emotional pressure. Take a step back, and pamper yourself. There's a lot of time in the spring to get on to a kick of one sort or another. And remember, nobody - nobody - is perfect.
Just eat generally healthy things and stop counting a single calorie! Eating a bad thing doesn't mean you eat badly. Leave that brain space for worrying about something else and challenging yourself to do the things that scare you! I think the first thing you ever said to me was about calories in cream cheese :) You gotta let yourself let go of the guilt Soph!
ReplyDeleteYou gotta